Origin Story
How the newsletter came to be.This is the genesis of my newsletter.
These are the experiences that helped me reignite my passion for literature and claim some self-confidence in my writing.
I hired a coach.
Fall 2022, the stars aligned: my youngest went to Kindergarten, and I was inspired to hire Kat as a coach for my writing.
Kat–with her purple hair and expressive pixie face–all wrapped in leggings, sweaters, and beaded bracelets, is actually a white witch. She carries an atmosphere of safe space wherever she goes. Her internal gravity pulls authenticity and truth toward her. She freshens everything with her perspective and shines limitless validation on every friend. She quilts ideas, people, and lives together–and sometimes fabric.
Her humor is my unlikely medicine—because anything self-deprecating I say is met with uproarious laughter to the point of tears, as she says in snatched breaths: “Kate, what you said is actually ridiculous and untrue!” Her honesty and perspective are salve to my soul, and I am always soothed and strengthened.
So, perhaps it was an obvious inspiration that neon-flashed the words “writing coach” in my brain that one fall morning in the coffee shop. Kat was discussing the possibility of becoming a life coach…my thoughts sprinted ahead: would she consider coaching me and my writing?...and I said it out loud. I was flinging out hope that with her solid support and wildly accurate bullshit meter, she would be my perfect audience and most trusted guide. Maybe with her fairy dust, we could resurrect the moldering, withered writer within?
So, once a month, on frosty Friday mornings, we monopolized a table by the window at the public library. Mostly, I knew I needed her for assurance: that I wasn’t a crazy-housewife-wanna-be. She also gave me encouraging feedback on half-baked pages I sent her and enthusiastically brainstormed my ideas. But, what was actually happening during these sessions was even more important:
she was helping me fashion a new lens to see myself through.
I cared for my inner critic.
One session, I showed up with a list of statements my inner critic kept interrupting my writing with, like: I am unqualified; I am a weak echo of greater ideas; I am not relevant; I am late to the conversation; I can’t keep up; I will be attacked; I will be misunderstood; I am not unique and not helpful; I am too unique–there is no place for my strange perspective; I have nothing of value to say; and on and on.
Kat rested her chin in her hand when I started reading my statements outloud, and that hand slowly crept up to cover her mouth. When I looked up, she was trying desperately hard not to laugh! (It was a knowing laughter–she understood the seriousness of these statements, but she thought it was absolutely absurd they existed in the first place!) It has to be one of my favorite moments of all time.
After a little laughter, and true to her nature and natural abilities, we took each statement and examined it. Some she just threw out as garbage without a second look. Some she broke apart: “You will be misunderstood, but I think you will also be understood by a lot of people.” And some we reframed, “Can’t you join a conversation at any time? Aren’t you at least showing up?”
With these spikey statements spelled down to manageable sizes, I was able to give my inner critic a break. My poor inner critic has been working so hard all these years to keep me safe! Now that she had been heard, (and Kat had given her permission,) she could sleep.
Kat and I pieced a new quilt of strong affirmations and solid truth statements and tucked the weighted blanket around her for a much deserved rest.
I defined my core values:
COMPASSION & CURIOSITY
In another session, Kat introduced me to Brené Brown’s Core Value exercise from her book Dare To Lead. Out of 100 values, Brené says:
“The task is to pick the two [values] that you hold most important. I know this is tough, because almost everyone we’ve done this work with (including me) wants to pick somewhere between ten and fifteen. I can soften the blow by suggesting that you start by circling those fifteen. But you can’t stop until you’re down to two core values.”
It seems strange (or impossible), to pick your 2 favorite values out of 100 of the best human qualities. But, as I started the filtering process, I found that this exercise is more inclusive than exclusive; it is not a “sort and toss,” but rather a “sort and stack”–building up what is true for you.
This sifting process took me about a day, but Kat said she worked
on hers for a couple of months. (There are many methods you can use to filter through these: some people work from the worksheet on the website, some people use flash cards–I used a spreadsheet that Kat sent me.)
I discovered that all the values I embrace fall under these two umbrellas:
In essence, I created vast and encompassing definitions for these words, making them mine. But, even the standard definitions work for my meaning, because these two values–with every nuance and facet–work at the core of my being and motivate all my attention, intention, and work. This is a powerful introspective look at my individuality.
Compassion & Curiosity
“Isn’t that what a book is?”
For book club one month, we read The Ogress and the Orphans by Kelly Barnhill. It is a delightful YA novel with meaningful messages about books, stories, and knowledge twined throughout and an unlikely mystery trailing you along (who does that strange narrative voice belong to??).
Dragons are an important part of this story. These particular, practically immortal, dragons have the ability to inhabit another creature’s skin and can live years in that life experience. Ancient dragons methodically sought to live as many varied lives as they could, increasing their understanding and compassion to levels of infinite wisdom.
“Don’t you wish you could be like that? Live all those lives?!” I remember my dear friend Sheri saying from across the room, her voice excited and wistful. I exactly mirrored her sentiment.
“But, isn’t that what a book is?” I blurted, almost without thinking.
Sheri and I stared at each other.
Climbing under a book’s cover can feel a lot like climbing into another’s skin: seeing their perspective, hearing their thoughts, and feeling their emotions. Did we really have that power all along?
The idea found me.
I attended my first writer’s retreat in April 2023. It was a life-changing five-day stay at a snowy cabin by Bear Lake, Utah with a dozen or so talented people.
On day three, some of us were sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast. Over my hot coffee, cold bacon, and hard-boiled eggs, I was lavishly spilling and sloshing my thoughts on books out to everyone, while greedily gathering recommendations from these mutual book lovers. Leoh, a fellow nonfiction writer, sat at the opposite end of the table, watching and listening thoughtfully, commenting here and there, “Oh, that sounds interesting,” or “I’ll add that to my list.”
At a lull in the conversation, Leoh leveled clear hazel eyes right at me and stated:
“You should start a newsletter. I would be interested in what you have to say about books.”
As the force of that idea, with the accompanying recognition and compliment, (this obviously intelligent and insightful individual wants to know what I have to say? About books?) slammed into me, all I could squeak out was, “What’s a newsletter?”
I hope you get the opportunity to meet someone like Leoh:
someone beautiful, grounding, and perceptive–a true see-er who shares their wisdom and vision in a thoughtful economy of words. Leoh broke my mind open and pushed the horizon of my belief so matter-of-factly, I couldn’t help but go there!
I spent the rest of the retreat reeling in this new universe, bouncing between my inner critic (she had long since awoken, although she wasn’t nearly as insistent) and the reality of Leoh’s suggestion. I badgered everyone about this newsletter idea, collecting validation and perspective from the other writers. Everyone was patient and supportive as I cranked through the idea again and again, trying to make it materialize in my mind…
You mean, I can be completely self-indulgent in reading and thinking and writing and creating what I want…while reaching an audience and receiving support?
From the comfort of my home and around my family’s schedule?
This is a thing?! And you think I could do it? You would sign up?!
Reviewing books has to be the dreamiest job in the world!
What do you mean it isn’t everyone’s dream job?…It’s not your dream job? Really? Are you sure??
So…it’s up for grabs?
Great!
I’ll take it.
I realized I could actually do this… and that I should.
Books are the perfect fuel for my fire. I can strengthen and indulge my curiosity at every page turn, and I can expand and deepen my compassion with every perspective. As an English major in college, I thought that I loved the authors, the craft, the art, the story, the history, the escape–the very paper, ink, and binding itself. It is empowering and motivating to realize it’s so much more:
Books are my core values in physical, usable form.
As I give myself permission to blissfully burn through all the fascinating material I can, glowing with the purpose and possibility of this newsletter, I’ve found friends who want to join me. They want to see my flames rise. They don’t cringe as I crackle and spit. They seek and value my insight and warmth.
Some friends throw a book my way, and we mingle our flames, crackling and burning together. Some friends are not readers, but “What have you been reading lately?” is the regular, sincere (and my favorite!) question. Also, readers or not, women will show up to book club having not read the book, “But I came anyway, because I wanted to hear what you had to say,” they claim, pulling up a chair to my heat and flickering light.
Welcome, dear friends! Everyone can explore these ideas. Here–take a warm one for the road!
Captured life-fire.
I read somewhere that when you are observing the bright flames of a wood fire, what you are actually seeing is sunlight–sunlight that has been captured by the leaves and stored in the wood core of the tree–now being released with intention into the black of night.
I can’t watch a campfire without reflecting on that concept. This transformation of energy makes the science of elemental fire absolutely mystical; that trees can store the potential and then transfer the sun’s magnificent power to another time and place will never cease to amaze me.
Trees, turned into pages, also store the brilliant, shining light of some of this world’s greatest minds and hearts–to be released with intention into a reader’s day or night. Captured life-fire from authors a hundred years ago can be rekindled again and again. Or a writer’s life-spark from halfway across the world can find its way to my bookshelf or e-reader. Books step over time and space, enabling that expansive and intimate conversation between a writer’s words and a reader’s thoughts.
Whether smoldering or blazing, my passion is not burning out anytime soon.
Books are my fuel. This is my place. You are my oxygen. Let’s glow together!
